Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
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I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
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Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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