I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
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She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
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I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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