I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
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Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
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Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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