Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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