Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize