I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize