Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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