using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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