When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
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After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
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Everyone says I win the strip club
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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