i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
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