I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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