Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
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