New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
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That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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