I'm really into asian looking animals
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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