i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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