I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
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Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
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Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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