on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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