I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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