I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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