I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize