my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Congratulations! We have a period
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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