Welp...herpes.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
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