i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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