Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina just recognized that song.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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