so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
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I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
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Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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