whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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