My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
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we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
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some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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