How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
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Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
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So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
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