i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
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if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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