I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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