Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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