Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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