I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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