If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
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He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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