i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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