My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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