the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize