You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
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I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
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Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
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