Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I think my moral compass just broke
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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