Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
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Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
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Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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