yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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