we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
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well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
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I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
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