If i come over, it means nothing
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
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You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
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They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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