Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I have already put on my inside pants.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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