I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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