I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
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The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
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I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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