You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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