Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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