A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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