The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i drank out of a bidet.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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